Idiots Don't Catch Colds-desu
by prae-333
Summary: Okita is sick. Kagura to the rescue!


Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki.

* * *

Among the thundering rain casting over Kabuki-cho, two flickers of light sparks and fire was set upon the earth against the impossible drizzle of the sky. A sadistic man of contradicting uniform and a beautiful Chinese-like heroine clash, each with determination like that of a king cobra and a majestic tiger.

The fight continues for an eternal of seconds, but a light sneeze and it halts.

"Oi, super-sadist. You made a weird sound just now... you trying to make fun of me-aru?" The girl with burning-orange hair speaks with annoyance in her lively tone.

"Shut up, china girl. It's called a sneeze, now register it into that tiny Yato brain of yours." Replied the marooned-eyed man, "If I wanted to make fun of you, I would've just ended every sentence with that stupid catch phrase of yours... aru~."

Tick.

"I AM GOING TO BASH YOUR FACE IN NOW, YUP."

The storm blows up once again-

_Achoo!_

-and it stops.

Kagura nimbly plant her feet on the dirt of the park of ruins and a hand freely fall on her petite hip - a sign of a short 'time out'. "Oi. Stop interrupting with your weird noises and fight me seriously." Demanded the young teen, Queen of Kabuki-cho.

"... Then it looks like I can't fight you seriously today, China." Okita sighed, voice in deadpan but a tone of honesty.

"Wha? Then it looks like I win this fight, ha! Remember this day, Sadist!" She then laughs a high-pitched laugh, a sound like the singing of bells. The Shinsengumi captain sighs again, not taking any pleasure from the loudness of the girl in front of him.

Okita opens his mouth, about to piss her off by his typical sarcasm, but only find his eyes widening and in the next rapid second, everything went in a red flash and he falls down like a shot raven. One ear muffled by the earth and the other by the clamor of rain, he could somehow still make out the sound of Kagura's light gasp.

"... Sadist?"

He closes his dull eyes to darkness.

* * *

It was a drastic understatement to say that the Shinsengumi men were surprised at the little girl carrying their fearful captain by the shoulder to the H.Q. that eventful evening. No, they were shell-shocked, paling to a shade a ghost can only hope to be.

An exclaim every time her feet steps and she just wants to roar at them like the tiger she was. But a burden was upon her shoulder -literally- and for his sake, Kagura limits her impatience. Finally, her savior comes in a form of two powerful men, the kind-hearted gorilla and his second in command.

"China-san... and Sougo?!" Shrieks the animal, a cry of parental concern.

"You... what the hell happened to Sougo?" Questioned the mayo-addict, smoke aside and a face of incredulity.

"He made these weird... 'sneeze' noises and suddenly fainted, yup." Mumbled the girl, a silent look of care to the sandy-haired man's young face. Kagura's sapphire eyes twinkle in melancholy and inside her chest feels empty, unlike the rapid beatings earlier... the beatings of her heart every time adrenaline kicks in. "What's wrong with Sadist?" She asks, sadness incautiously evident.

Kondo steps closer, a calloused hand placed upon Sougo's forehead. A look of relief later and he drops his hand, "He's just caught a cold." says the smiling commander.

"Jeez... when is he going to start taking care of himself?" Hijikata softly groaned, inhaling the light poison into his lungs, "No one's going to take care of him now... especially since Mitsuba... is no longer..." and the man stops himself from breaking the heart of his any further.

The sympathetic gorilla pats the ebony-haired man on the head comfortingly, then lifted Okita off of the Yato's shoulder, "Thank you little China-san, we'll take it from here."

And they walk away, Okita still limp and almost lifeless, all pairs of eyes now long off the orange-headed girl and to the retreating figures. "Tell Otae-san I will visit her soon!" Kondo laughs a convincing laugh... but Kagura still caught a sense of pity in his generous voice.

That moment, when the two rivals part... the foreign girl would wonder why she felt like reaching out to him, out to the drowning boy.

* * *

A scent of a familiar cloudy smoke and he only wanted to choke the man responsible for it. Lifting his lids, revealing soothing mahogany eyes, Sougo is not the least bit surprised to find two men sitting idly by his side, chit-chatting in low whispers. He was curious though, as to what happened to the little girl he had fought just earlier.

"Oi."

"Sougo!"

"Where's China? And Kondo-san... please stop rubbing your disgusting face with mine, I will have to stab you, y'know~"

"A-ah, sorry! But mommy was just worried, right daddy-kun?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING 'DADDY-KUN'?!"

"Oi, Hijibaka-san... where's China?"

"AND WHO ARE _YOU _CALLING 'HIJIBAKA-SAN'?! AH?!"

Sigh. Somehow, this was taking longer than needed for a simple question. The sandy-haired boy then points to the screen door, "Get out. You guys are noisy." he says simply, deciding to give up on asking about the fiery Yato.

After a _really_ persistent gorilla begging to stay and crying out something along the lines of, "B-b-but Sougo! Mommy just wants to take care of you!", the two fools finally obey. Hijikata gently _shove _his commander out the room and looks back at the sick younger man, "Hurry and get back to work soon. Remember... your sister isn't here to take care of you like all those other times." and the screen door slams shut.

Okita was left drowning in his memories, engulfed by a melody his beloved sister would sing every time he had gotten ill. He puts an arm over his eyes, closing off reality.

"I know... she's not here anymore..." He sullenly whispers, the night sky selfishly embracing his words so no soul will ever have to hear them.

* * *

_Clack. _

_"_Oops."

_Bang._

"O-ouch!"

_Creak._

"Shh! Shut up-"

_Kick._

"-you stupid floor!"

Kagura huffs then 'tiptoes' her way along the wooden platform, peeking slightly into every room of the police headquarter like a sneaky thief. It's midnight, the stars are gleaming beautifully, and despite the consequences she'll surely receive from Gin-chan and Shinpachi for sneaking at such late hour, the girl had decided that this was her mission.

When she had left the compounds earlier, the Yato went back to the Yorozuya only to find the usual nagging megane and the lazy-ass boss. She remembered having squeezed the life out of Sadaharu and flopping down on the couch to watch the drama that was on that afternoon. Being so fixated about the Sadist (not that she would ever admit_ that_), she hadn't been paying attention to the drama on the dim screen of the television... that is until she heard an all too familiar sound.

_"Achoo!"_

And that was when she watched on as the heroine would take care of her beloved hero. Feeding him steamy soup, supplying medicine, washing his forehead with a wet towel, etc, etc.

_"Ah! If Sadist was to be taken care of like that weakling of a hero in the T.V., he will definitely be back to normal soon, yup!" _She recalled thinking then_, "... but I wonder if the other tax-robbers will tend to him like that pretty heroine?"_

That was the drastic moment when Kagura determined that it will be her who is to bring back the 'normal' Sadist. Right then and there, she had decided that it was to be her mission.

Thus, the current situation.

Kagura had just past the umpteenth room, and yet, no sign of her fateful rival anywhere. She is getting beyond frustrated and being the boil-blooded alien she is, the orange-haired Yato stomps down the floor with a little too much force, causing the wood to break, splinters flying through a certain screen door. The girl debated quickly with herself mentally and was about to listen to the little devil upon her already-burdened shoulder to run away, but a calm voice and all of her movement halts in place.

"Who's there?" The voice had asked. And it wasn't just any voice either... it was Sougo's, the very person the Yato had been looking for. As if the dark sky accidentally spills out it's secret, Kagura hears something again... a word that was clearly not meant for her ears.

"Aneue?"

She doesn't say anything, afraid that he'll be disappointed. Kagura is rooted to her spot, determination decreasing every millisecond.

* * *

"Shit." The boy grumbles, berating internally at himself for mindlessly saying something he shouldn't have. Okita painfully and tiredly gets up, opening his freshly ripped screen door with ease. He only hopes that no one had heard him just earlier and if they did... well, how unfortunate for them.

Okita turns his head to the intruder, about to drawl out his words of threat, when he sees a stiff Kagura. She was dressed in her usual attire but with a mysterious bag hanging off her back. Moonlight drips down her hair, shining fiery-orange, and her face as pale as fair pearls. Her widened eyes like the night sky themselves and the clouds must be crying, because tears descend her rosy cheeks.

To say the least, Okita is stunned.

"You... what are you doing here?" He begins, "...And why are you crying?"

"W-wha?!" The girl quickly wipes her eyes, "I-I am not crying, nope!" and she keeps her face hidden underneath her tiny palms. The two stand there, each unsure of how to react next.

Silence.

"... China, go home before you get caught by someone else," Okita sighs, "you're lucky I'm such a kindhearted man."

"Y-you?! As if! I doubt that you even have a heart, yup!" Kagura scoffs, her face no longer hidden, "And besides... I actually came here to bring you back to normal-aru!"

"Normal?"

"Yup. You are more pathetic than usual right now, so being the thoughtful Queen of Kabuki-cho I am," The girl then flips her hair back in a dramatic and classy manner, "it is my mission to bring _even_ the King of the Planet of Sadists back to the way he is, yup!"

"... Oi. I'm not pathetic, brat. You're hurting my feelings."

Just then, chatting and footsteps around the corner of the building increase louder and closer to the two rivals. Okita quickly reacted, pulling the Yato into his room before anyone could see them.

"Shh. Someone's coming." The boy whispers, hushing Kagura's protests with a rough hand over her mouth. Two drunken shadows emerge behind the splintered screen door, giggling and yelling rowdily. Soon enough, they disappear along with the noise they had brought with them. The two in the room lets out a sigh of relief.

Bite.

"Ow. Why'd you bite my hand, brat?"

"It is because you won't let go of me-aru."

Silence.

_Achoo!_

_Awkward_ silence.

"... O-oh yeah! Now that we are here, go to bed so I can make soup for you, yup!" Kagura says, taking off her huge mystery bag, and rummaging through it suddenly.

"... I don't need you to take care of me. It's just a cold, I'll be back to 'normal' or whatever by tomorrow, China."

"No can do, nope! I told you it's my mission!"

Pause.

"... Fine. One condition though, you're not allowed out of this room."

"Why-aru?"

"The headquarters don't allow visitors over night because of security reasons." Okita explained, "So if you were planning to make your disgusting soup in the kitchen, then too bad."

"Disgusting? You do not even know my skills as a cook-aru!"

"But I know your skills as being a reckless monster."

Tick.

Kagura pulls back her will to punch and ignored the sandy-haired man. The girl then makes an 'ah!' sound when she finally found what she was looking for in her bag. Pulling out a cup noodle with an elastic covering, the Yato smirks at Okita, "Tada~ I already came prepared, yup!" her eyes sparkle, a sense of pride in them. It was crushed however, when Okita decided to open his mouth.

"... First of all, that's not soup. Second, I refuse to eat cold noodles."

Tick.

"Just lay down like a good boy already!" Kagura says, pushing a silent but persistent Okita down on the futon.

"I'm older than you stupi-" But before he could even finish insult, Okita was - _quite rudely_, in his opinion- stuffed in the face with noodles.

"You are supposed to say 'aah' when I am feeding you, yes?" And the girl smiles a not-so-innocent smile, her eyes shining a mischievous light.

And Okita is left with no escape.

_She's going to kill me._

* * *

It is past 2 a.m. and somehow the Yato girl is still full of energy. After the many torturous attempts of "healing" the Sadist (like soaking him with a burning towel, choking him with a thermometer, feeding him more cold noodles because apparently "Food makes everything better, yup!", and repeat), Kagura decided that it was finally time for Okita to get some rest.

And so the ill captain closes his eyes, more exhausted than he had ever been in his lifetime. The tireless alien watches the man before her, taking in the silence uncomfortably. A minute or so, the girl whispers to her only company, not minding that he was about to fall in a heavy slumber.

"Sadist, why did you get sick?" Kagura asks, her curiosity an honest tone.

"... Probably from the rain."

"Well... then why am I not sick like you?"

"Let me tell you a secret, China." Okita waves his hand weakly, indicating for the girl to come closer, "Truth is... idiots don't catch colds-desu~" and he flicks her forehead _quite_ harshly.

"O-ow! You bastard!"

"Will you let me sleep now? Just because I'm a sadist doesn't mean I'm a masochist too."

"... W-wait! I have one more question-aru!"

A sigh. "... Fine."

Silence.

"... You called for your... sister earlier, yes?"

Okita's eyes flicker a glint of melancholy that the girl couldn't help but catch. "So you heard it, huh." Came the short mumble.

"You must miss her, yes?"

"... I thought you only had one question."

Kagura hung her head low, unmistakable tears forming around the ocean of her eyes. Okita shifts uncomfortably in his futon. He then whispers, "Do you pity me?"

"No..."

"Then why are you crying?"

Her eyes meet his, and Okita swears that he is drowning in her sadness. If it's not pity, then what is it? Everyone he knows would look at him like he was a lost boy, wondering alone without his precious Aneue... even Kondo-san and Hijikata. Yet... this girl claims she does not pity him. Why is she crying? Okita's thoughts jumble up, wondering the same question over and over.

However, his answer soon comes in a form of a soft tone when Kagura speaks in the darkness of the depressing night. "I am sorry that I am not your sister." She says sincerely, "I am sure you must really want to see her, yes? You must be disappointed that it is me by your side right now, yes?" and she hiccups, tears fully flowing out down her rosy cheeks.

It's not pity but guilt. The strong alien in front of him is breaking down because she is guilty for something that can't _possibly_ be her fault. And the sandy-haired man doesn't know what to do... how was he supposed to tell her that it wasn't her fault? Will she even listen?

Okita's mind fails him but his body doesn't. Without thinking, a hesitant hand reaches up to Kagura's fragile face, wiping off her sparkling tears. "Thank you." Sougo's mouth speaks on it's own, a voice so gentle, he thought wasn't capable of him.

The orange-haired girl's face slowly contorts from sadness to confusion. "W-why are thanking me-aru?" She questions, her own hand reaching up and softly touching his.

"... I don't know." The boy replies, "... For being here, I guess."

"R-really? Even though it is just me-aru?"

And for the first time in what feels like an eternity, heaven witnesses a rare and honest smile from Okita Sougo. "Yeah, just you is enough." He says, closing his vivid mahogany eyes and bringing down both his hand and Kagura's from her face, "Goodnight, stupid."

Sougo hears a tinkle of giggles and feels relieved. "Goodnight, idiot." And the girl hums a cute lullaby...

... the sick man is no longer engulfed by a melancholic melody his beloved sister had left with him.

* * *

"Oi, Sougo!" Came a distant yell outside the screen door.

"Toushirou~ Don't wake him up yet! He's sick, y'know!" Cries a familiar gorilla.

Taking the argument outside as his alarm to wake up, Sougo alertly open his eyes, sitting up to yell at his company in the room to hide, "Oi, Chin-" only to find out he was alone. No trace left of the mess she had made last night, the 1st division captain wonders if he had only been dreaming about the Yato girl.

The screen door slides open with a rowdy slam, revealing the two figures that were Okita's alarm clock.

"Oi, Sougo! What the hell happened to your door?! There's a hole here too!" Exclaims the obviously pissed mayo-addict.

The sandy-haired man's eyes widen slightly. "Ah. So I wasn't dreaming..." Okita mumbles mindlessly.

"Huh? Did you say something, Sougo?" Asks the concerned gorilla.

"No," Okita then stands up to the surprise of his commanders.

"Just feeling better, that's all."

* * *

"Kagura-chan!" Shinpachi bangs on the closet door repeatedly, "When are you going to wake up?! We need to talk to you about where you went last night, got it?!" he berates on and on.

"Oi, Shinpachi. Girls her age will eventually sneak out one day, it's normal. Who knows? Maybe she got a boyfriend or something." Voiced a bored Gintoki from the couch.

"I'm two years older than her and I didn't even do something like that! Don't just assume something so worrying to my heart, Gin-san!"

"Glasses can age?"

And before the bespectacled boy could scream his lungs out at the sarcastic comment made by the silver-haired samurai, the closet door slams open.

"YOU GUYS WILL SHUT YOUR TRAP BEFORE I HAVE TO KILL YOU, YES?"

They both freeze, scared out of their wits by the little girl before them.

Intense silence.

"K-Kagura-chan~" Gintoki bravely speaks, "Is it... y'know, that time of the mont-"

_Kick._

"GIN-SAN!"

"I-it's okay, Shinpachi... it's my fault for not being sensitive..."

"B-BUT... IS YOUR ARM SUPPOSED TO BE TWISTED THAT WAY?!" While the boy continues to scream out in distress at the broken form of the samurai before him, Kagura walks moodily to the bathroom, mumbling about what a noisy bunch they were.

The Yato girl was brushing her teeth when the doorbell rang. The two useless men in the living room were still be being the useless men they were, so the alien walks to the door after rinsing her mouth, opening it to reveal a very familiar face.

"Yo."

"Sadist? What are you doing here?"

Shinpachi and Gintoki peek over from the living room, stopping their dramatic screaming and yelling for a second, interested at their visitor. What could the tax robber want with them?

"Let's talk about last night." And the Shinsengumi captain's smirking eyes meet the two peeking men in the living.

"L-last night?! What does that mean, Kagura-chan?!" Exclaims the glasses boy, "Don't tell me you were with _him!_"

"Well... I was though-aru."

Silence.

"WHAT?!" Screamed the two guardians of Kagura. Even Sadaharu howled like there was no tomorrow.

"_Kagura_, why don't we talk outside? Seems like there's no privacy in here."

"D-don't get so familiar with me!" Yells the flustered Yato. She then turn to point at the Yorozuya members,"And nothing happened last night between me and Sadist, got it, you sick-minded perverts?!"

The door slams shut to the pale faces of the remaining people in the vicinity.

* * *

"What-aru?"

"... I came to repay for last night."

Silence.

"... W-wha? I-it must be the end of the world, yes?"

"Shut up, China." Okita pulls out two papers from his pocket, "Here. I don't like owing people anything. Be grateful that I'm such a kindhearted man."

"T-this is... G-GIFT CERTIFICATES FOR THE NEW MEAT RESTAURANT, YES?!" Kagura says enthusiastically, holding them up to the sky like she was inferior.

"... That's all. I'll talk to you later, China." And Okita starts descending down the stairs. Kagura watches silently, feeling like saying or doing something but does not know what. She sighs and turns to open the door when she remembers the drama from yesterday.

"Sadist!" Kagura then pulls the collar of said person's Shinsengumi uniform, pulling him around to face her, "I forgot to give you something last night when you were sick, yup!"

"O-oi... I'm not sick anymore, though." Okita says in a deadpan.

"... Well, I do not like owing anyone anything either-aru." With that, Kagura's pink, soft lips meets Okita's for an eternally long second.

She then departs from a rather shocked Okita, "'Feel better now, okay?' Is what the heroine is supposed to say to her ill hero, yes?"

And Kagura smiles an adorable smile.

* * *

Silence.

"G-GIN-SAAAN! DON'T FAINT! I THOUGHT YOU EXPECTED HER TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND ANYWAYS!"

"I-I wasn't serious... I never thought that... K-Kagura-chan would..." And a silver soul came pouring out of Gintoki's being.

"GIN-SAAAN!"

_Bang._

"YOU KNOW THAT I CAN HEAR YOU, YES? AND YOU GUYS DO KNOW THE PUNISHMENT FOR EAVESDROPPING, _YES?!_" Threatens a flushed Kagura.

"Yes, eavesdropping is bad, I can arrest you for that y'know~" Okita tauntingly says, peeking over behind the Yato girl.

"Y-YOU! I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU, SOICHIROUUU!"

"Oi, Danna... it's Sougo-desu~"

_Bang._

"SOUGOOO!~" Cries a gorilla.

"Kondo-san?"

"DID YOU JUST CRASH DOWN FROM THE ROOF?! GIN-SAAN! A GORILLA JUST CAME CRASHING DOWN THE ROOF!"

"OI! Don't go calling the Shinsengumi commander a gorilla!" The mayo-addict yells as he appears from the stairs. "Sougo, we came after you because we thought it was strange that you were healed suddenly... but you actually had the girl over last night didn't you?! THAT'S AGAINST THE VIOLATIONS, YOU KNOW THAT RIGH-"

Before Hijikata could rant on and on, he was pushed aside by an enthusiastic Kondo, "SOUGO! HOW COULD YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WITHOUT TELLING MOMMY AND DADDY-KUN?!"

"DON'T CALL ME 'DADDY-KUN'! THAT'S SO YESTERDAY!"

"YOU TAX-ROBBERS SHUT YOUR TRAPS! I'M TRYING TO MURDER SOMEONE OVER HERE!" Kagura and Gintoki exclaim simultaneously.

And while a screaming (and barking, in Sadaharu's case) fest is going on in the building, a familiar sound from Kagura and everyone freezes on the spot.

_Achoo!_

Silence.

"... S-seriously? Idiots... _can_ catch colds?"

* * *

**A/N:** First of all, if it seemed like Kagura was replacing Mitsuba, that wasn't not my intention! I was trying to convey that Okita can be happy when someone else cares for him besides his sister... something like that.

Anyways, I can't write a Gintama FanFic without having the Yorozuya and Shinsengumi clash, haha. Oh! And I always change my style throughout writing something... so if the mood seems off sometimes, that's why.

I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
